So here I sit, at my computer, with a glass of water and apple sauce in a cup. It's becoming my favorite snack these days. I just love the way the apple sauce sweetly and smoothly goes down, followed by the bitter aftertaste of a crisp apple with the swallow of water... it makes me feel healthy :-P I haven't had the benefit of that feeling too often in my life. Well, I'm not really sure how this is going to turn out, but from this point forward (at least for this post, and maybe others) there will be no going back, deleting, changing what I wrote... It will all be exactly the way it spilled out of my head. I mean, it doesn't matter much since no one reads this, but if someone did (that wasn't me) then they would get to see my innermost workings exactly how I see them. Raw and unbridled.
Moving on... So Yesterday I wrote out a well constructed contract for a loan from my dad. He was impressed, which made me happy but was not the goal. The goal was to get all of my fines and fees taken care of before I drop dead of a worry stroke! Well, I think he is definitely leaning towards it which made me feel so much relief, I have to tell you. Now that is one less thing to worry about for a little while (and it happens to be the most worrysome of my worries).
I've been learning alot about my true character lately... now, I know I've said that before, but what I mean this time is what my character looks like when i'm not trying to impress anyone. What makes my clock actually tick. It might be strange that I don't know that answer yet, but you would be surprised how many of my years were spent day in and day out acting (literally) as if there was someone watching me, constantly, behind closed doors, in public crowds, amongst friends, even amongst my family. It has just been as of late that I've been growing into my own skin, and my own opinion. Surprising, isn't it? Actually, much more sad than anything. Anyway, that's not the main point. The main point is I am finding that I like my true character. :) I have a very valid opinion, I have different views on things than others and I have a voice and a vocabulary to back them up. I'm also finding some flaws that i was previously somewhat unaware of; such as my inability to care a little, or any normal amount for that matter. I either don't care at all, or I care with every inch of my person... but there isn't much of an in-between for me, that is, other than the fact that I have empathy and general caring for every living creature. Outside of that... not really much middle ground.
Alright, these posts are always unbelievably long (might be playing a part in the lack of readers), so I'll stop there and go get ready for the day. Thanks for holding my thoughts Blogger :) and Thank you, anonymous eyes, for staying anonymous. It makes it easier to write anything if I don't know who can see it. It must be a blessing for now.
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