I noticed that it has been about a year since I started this blog and I figured I would just post an update on my life and continue a bit.
What I've learned this year:
It doesn't matter what the contract says... if it's not clear enough things will get messy.
Money changes things, and people. For the worse.
Everyone needs someone... unless you need them more, then they don't need you.
Family is easier loved from afar... until you live afar, then you just want to be close again.
Life is a giant playground... You can choose to not follow society's set path, but you'll just be the weird kid in the corner with no friends.
You should focus on the little wins every day... because there will always be big losses to drag you down.
A sharp tongue is much more useful in battle, but it's a weapon you should never choose.
True therapy = a car ride with hot cocoa, fantastic music, and no set destination.
A true friend is one who sees everything that is wrong with you and loves you more.
A friend you don't need is one who sees everything that's wrong with you and uses it against you.
Update:
My life is very different than i pictured it to be 10 years ago, 5 years ago, and even last year.
10 years ago...
I thought i would be married and starting a family with cute little babies and dogs, an average sized house within the same area as my mom and dad, lots of cool friends and doing cool things with my life...
5 years ago...
I thought I would get my act together and start going to college... I also thought I would stay away from all the bad things in life. I thought I would have met my soulmate and we would have done some amazing things by now, and I was hoping I would have made a full length CD and had some income off of that. I wanted to lose weight and be fit and happy and excited for life!
1 year ago...
I thought I would be going somewhere with my music, I thought I would have buckled down and made the CD, I thought I would have shaped up and gotten a good job, held it down, and paid off all of my debts. I thought I would have found the place where I belonged by now. The place where I feel like I can call my own and be content to go home to. I wanted to start working on my weight and head in the right direction.
and Now? This is what I have to show to 12 yr, 17 yr, and 21 yr old me...
I've failed you all. I really wanted to do all of those things, but as time passed they got harder and harder to accomplish, and I got angrier and angrier with how pathetic I had become... which in the end killed my motivation. I'm so sorry I couldn't be better for you. I pictured everything so differently! I was naive, yes, but vibrant and hopeful... and I let myself down. I let you down. I'm glad I don't have to see the looks on your faces as you stare at me and know that this is what you'll become someday, I have a feeling you would give up altogether.
What I want to accomplish in 1 year, and for my sanity probably should....
23 yr old me:
I hope you've started heading in the right direction, lost some weight, quit some bad habits that are doing you no good, because we need to get this! Also, I hope you're still working at Torrid... and you have another good job under your belt that you're not letting go of. Be on time to work and be motivated when you get there!
I hope you've written alot of songs about everything true to you that you really feel. those are always the best. And I hope you've picked a few, made some good recordings and started to pass them out. Get yourself out there as a musician. Live your dream!
You've walked among the stars, you can do anything!
Please, please, be better than you have been. You deserve nothing more. Be able to look back on this and say that this person, today's person, that had just disappointed everyone else, can look forward to and be at peace. Today's person needs that glimmer of hope, that even though they... I... screwed everything up, I will still be okay in the end. Please give me that 23. I need you to do this.
Just believe in yourself; believe in me, believe that we can do it! I love you. I hope we can reach the stars together, because I know they're waiting for us to get there.
(I wrote this really fast... I don't really care about grammatical stuff today.)
