I had a vivid dream... man, I'm still sick from this one... that I was climbing a huge cliff. There were always weird hand and foot holds, like at one point it was bunches of hanger tops to hook my fingers around. And then at the very top it became bars with soft balls of some type at the end.
What's more important about my dream was the very end; and the funny thing is through the entire dream I remember being focused on climbing, but I don't remember there being anyone else with me. I got to the top and I was holding on for dear life... since at this point I just climbed hundreds of feet up a 90 degree drop (haha, it's a dream, doesn't have to be realistic), and suddenly there were these 4 men at the top with me. I was happy about that because I wasn't sure if I could make it up the last little bit without help.
The first guy lunges up and makes it, and then i'm begging him to help me but he goes for his brother instead. And after he pulls his brother up, they wander off and start laughing and chatting and completely ignore me. I wanted to scream, but I knew even just the movement of my body doing that would make me lose my balance... so i just sat there. And then I woke up panting.
MAN, all that trouble, and I don't even get to figure out what the ending is...
Well regardless, I did do some dream interpretation at http://www.dreammoods.com/ ... And this is what it had to say:
To dream that you are climbing to the top of a cliff, symbolizes your ambition and drive. The dream may parallel your desires to achieve success.
(or know the answer to something? I need some help on this interpretation)
Since I almost jumped off the cliff myself (as in, almost gave up and let go when they were ignoring me), I'll put this up here for effect.--
To dream that you or someone falls off a cliff, suggests that you are going through some difficult times and are afraid of what is ahead for you. You fear that you may not be up for the challenge or that you cannot meet the expectations of others.
This is what ignore says:
To dream that you are ignoring someone or being ignored, represents some aspect of yourself which you are not paying enough attention to.
but I think abandonment fits the scenario better:
To dream that you are abandoned, suggests that it is time to leave behind past feelings and characteristics that are hindering your growth. Let go of your old attitudes.
Before that I was in a town, but I forgot why I was there or why I left. I think that could have been a key to what my thoughts really are about where I need to be. UGH, I really wish I could figure it out.
All of that "nightmare" and interpreting, and I'm still not much closer to figuring out what is going on inside my head... All I know now is that I'm afraid. Now THAT I could have figured out without the cliff, thank you.
Oh well... more waiting I guess.
The White Man's Greed, in Search of Gold
It's hard to find "gold" if you don't know where you're supposed to be looking, but especially if you don't know what form it will be in. What I mean by that, is trying to find the perfect place to live, and be the perfect person... I just don't know how to go about it...***
All I want is to find my happy, but for some reason I've lost where I'm supposed to be right now. I've burned all of my bridges at home, and I've gotten myself so far into debt that I don't think I can get out of it alone. And every day feels like a struggle inside.
I put on a happy face, but inside, the reason I ran in the first place is because I hate what I'm doing and where I'm going... and who I'm becoming... And as it turns out, i'm not doing much of anything here either. All I want is to find what i'm looking for, but I feel like it's still so far away from me. I wish I just knew where to look for it. Even just where i'm really supposed to be.
I'm still in the wrong place. I wake up every morning, and I realize that I'm early. I wasn't supposed to make this move for a year, but now that I've lost my job and am not sure about my fallback, I feel like I have nowhere to go but here. Not to mention the small detail that in my last location, I wasn't exactly "pure" and I'm not even sure if I could get back there with that POS that I drive!
Don't get me wrong baby, I love you, but you know as well as I do I need to stop pushing you like that before you blow up with me inside...
All I want is to know the answer... the REAL one i'm looking for... not just the irrational one that I really hope is the right one.
I can't keep on running. But I also can't decide if going back is running from the place I just got to, or if it's facing what I've just run from. If it's the first, then maybe going back is not the best option anymore.
Welp... I'll decide another day. For now, my bed is calling my name.
P.S. Preface:
I up and decided to move to AZ from UT one day because i was miserable, but when i got to AZ i figured out that i was still miserable, just not as much. I also figured out that i shouldn't have moved here until later anyway, because no one needed me in AZ... but there was someone that needed me in UT.
and now i can't decide if i should stay, man up here, and quit running like i always do... or if i need to go back and face what i left behind...
***And the blue is what I came back and added later.
All I want is to find my happy, but for some reason I've lost where I'm supposed to be right now. I've burned all of my bridges at home, and I've gotten myself so far into debt that I don't think I can get out of it alone. And every day feels like a struggle inside.
I put on a happy face, but inside, the reason I ran in the first place is because I hate what I'm doing and where I'm going... and who I'm becoming... And as it turns out, i'm not doing much of anything here either. All I want is to find what i'm looking for, but I feel like it's still so far away from me. I wish I just knew where to look for it. Even just where i'm really supposed to be.
I'm still in the wrong place. I wake up every morning, and I realize that I'm early. I wasn't supposed to make this move for a year, but now that I've lost my job and am not sure about my fallback, I feel like I have nowhere to go but here. Not to mention the small detail that in my last location, I wasn't exactly "pure" and I'm not even sure if I could get back there with that POS that I drive!
Don't get me wrong baby, I love you, but you know as well as I do I need to stop pushing you like that before you blow up with me inside...
All I want is to know the answer... the REAL one i'm looking for... not just the irrational one that I really hope is the right one.
I can't keep on running. But I also can't decide if going back is running from the place I just got to, or if it's facing what I've just run from. If it's the first, then maybe going back is not the best option anymore.
Welp... I'll decide another day. For now, my bed is calling my name.
P.S. Preface:
I up and decided to move to AZ from UT one day because i was miserable, but when i got to AZ i figured out that i was still miserable, just not as much. I also figured out that i shouldn't have moved here until later anyway, because no one needed me in AZ... but there was someone that needed me in UT.
and now i can't decide if i should stay, man up here, and quit running like i always do... or if i need to go back and face what i left behind...
***And the blue is what I came back and added later.
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