The White Man's Greed, in Search of Gold

It's hard to find "gold" if you don't know where you're supposed to be looking, but especially if you don't know what form it will be in. What I mean by that, is trying to find the perfect place to live, and be the perfect person... I just don't know how to go about it...***

All I want is to find my happy, but for some reason I've lost where I'm supposed to be right now. I've burned all of my bridges at home, and I've gotten myself so far into debt that I don't think I can get out of it alone. And every day feels like a struggle inside.

I put on a happy face, but inside, the reason I ran in the first place is because I hate what I'm doing and where I'm going... and who I'm becoming... And as it turns out, i'm not doing much of anything here either. All I want is to find what i'm looking for, but I feel like it's still so far away from me. I wish I just knew where to look for it. Even just where i'm really supposed to be.

I'm still in the wrong place. I wake up every morning, and I realize that I'm early. I wasn't supposed to make this move for a year, but now that I've lost my job and am not sure about my fallback, I feel like I have nowhere to go but here. Not to mention the small detail that in my last location, I wasn't exactly "pure" and I'm not even sure if I could get back there with that POS that I drive!

Don't get me wrong baby, I love you, but you know as well as I do I need to stop pushing you like that before you blow up with me inside...

All I want is to know the answer... the REAL one i'm looking for... not just the irrational one that I really hope is the right one.
I can't keep on running. But I also can't decide if going back is running from the place I just got to, or if it's facing what I've just run from. If it's the first, then maybe going back is not the best option anymore.

Welp... I'll decide another day. For now, my bed is calling my name.

P.S. Preface:
I up and decided to move to AZ from UT one day because i was miserable, but when i got to AZ i figured out that i was still miserable, just not as much. I also figured out that i shouldn't have moved here until later anyway, because no one needed me in AZ... but there was someone that needed me in UT.
and now i can't decide if i should stay, man up here, and quit running like i always do... or if i need to go back and face what i left behind...
***And the blue is what I came back and added later.